Lay Down My Heart
by Shade Asylum
Summary: After graduation Rachel and Santana share a night that they'll spend years trying to put behind them but mistakes will come back to haunt them and maybe prove they weren't quite mistakes. That sounds horrible. Prompt from Purrpickle.


**A/N:**** This is for a prompt given to me by Purrpickle. I don't have it on my computer but you'll see how it plays out. It sort of turned into a multi chapter thing. I'll hopefully have more up soon, this, hopefully, won't take away too much attention from my other stories which I am still working on. This probably won't be more than ten chapters, maybe less. Anyway, thank you for reading. Constructive criticism is always welcome.**

**Warnings:****I don't own Glee or any of the characters or any of the songs I may use. This will include lesbian sex, maybe some hetero but it's not likely. Adultery. The title is from the song I can't make you love me which I don't own.**

"Santana."

"No."

"I really feel that we shou-"

"I said, no."

"I unders-"

"I'm done Rachel, I'm not talking about it."

"But-"

I couldn't get another word in as the girl left the coffee shop. Really, it was the first time I'd seen her since... Well I hadn't seen her in about a week. She was quite obviously going out of her way to avoid me. Since Noah's party I'd been busy, packing and preparing to leave for New York, and of course, planning. I couldn't even begin to explain the hell that was planning a wedding with the man I'd betrayed. Finn was sweet as we tried planning out the wedding. We'd earned ourselves some time by planning the wedding towards the end of the summer, just before everybody would be leaving. Every time he spoke about the wedding my heart sank. He had no clue what happened, and he didn't deserve to. I couldn't hurt him that way. Instead, I pulled on my best stage smile and ignored the lingering suspicion that he knew. Until that day.

I suppose it was for the best that Santana had left. Finn and I had planned to meet again at the Lima Bean, more wedding plans were in order. I sat in a small booth in the back, getting lost in my thoughts of the girl who'd just run out. I struggled with the fact that I'd let anything so stupid happen especially when my life was meant to be coming together. I was going to New York, supposed to be getting married, and I was supposed to be leaving my friends on good terms. I shouldn't have been so upset that Santana wasn't talking to me. I'd had my part in interrupting her happiness too, even if our friendship was still new, I hadn't even given it a chance to develop.

"Hey Rach," I jumped at the familiar voice pulling me from my thoughts.

"Hello Finn," I pushed some more of the heavy tomes somebody dared to call bridal magazines across the table to where the boy slipped into a seat, "I've been looking through these, and I believe I've found some more affordable options for our wedding." I pushed a folder over as well, "I've also been looking at cakes and-"

"Rach." It seemed everybody had made it their goal to cut me off today, but I couldn't deny Finn as he brushed everything to the side and held my hand between his two. I hadn't realized how nervous he seemed. "Rachel," he repeated my name.

"Yes Finn," suddenly my own nerves reared. He knew.

"I just," he paused, his smile faltering as he looked down at our hands, "I love you."

I nodded and struggled to maintain my own smile, but it became more and more difficult, "I love you too."

He didn't meet my gaze as he went on, "Marry me."

"Finn, that's why we're here, to discuss-"

"No," he shook his head, "Marry me now. Let's just go."

My heart ached as I was finally able to meet the innocent eyes before me. It should have been easy. I should have jumped at the chance, just as I would have months ago. Instead, I could only stare on.

"Rachel, breathe," he worried his lip, "I knew this was a bad idea. I don't mean-"

It was my turn to interrupt, "Okay."

"It we don't- Okay?"

"Yes," I smiled, nodding my head furiously. I could give Finn this. I could give him his happiness.

"Alright," it hardly took him a moment to stand up, leading me along, but before he turned out of my view, I thought I'd imagined it, but Finn's own smile faltered.

}{

"Finn, this isn't the courthouse," I pointed out as Finn pulled into the train station.

"I know," his voice was smaller than I'd expected.

I couldn't help but turn to see him.

"Rachel, I need you to do something for me," he whispered, palming the top of his steering wheel as he refused to look at me.

"Anything Finn, but could you please explain why we're at the train station?"

"Just," he worried his lip, "Just be the star you're meant to be."

"Finn, what are you talking about?" I sat forward, growing confused.

"Rachel, you know I can't go with you, and I'd hate myself if I held you back from your dream," I tried to interject but he shook his head, finally, meeting my eyes. The streams there tainted the small forced smile, "So, you have to go to New York without me."

"No Finn," I shook my head, "I said I'd wait for you Finn, I'm not going anywhere without you," I looked down when I felt something wet land on my hand. I brought my fingertips up to my eyes to feel the tears I hadn't realized I'd already shed.

"Well, I'm leaving, I have my own goals."

"I'll follow you," I blurted.

"To Fort Benning Georgia?" His voice was muted.

"What?" My voice cracked as the word fell from my mouth. I shook my head and brought my palm up to wipe the tears, "Finn, you can't be serious, is this about your father again? It's not your fault that-"

"No," he snapped, "Rachel, it's not about my father. Yes I want to get my father the respect he deserves, but I can do that while making something of myself. Just like you will Rach."

"Finn."

"Besides," he looked out of the windshield, "You wouldn't want to disappoint your audience would you?"

I followed his gaze to the platform. I couldn't believe the whole crowd of our friends and family that had gathered. Even my fathers stood by, waving as they held each other close.

"I love you Rachel," he sighed before taking a shaky breath, "I love you so much, but we need to let go. And if we're meant to be, and I know we are, we'll be together again."

I was doing everything in my power not to sob, especially as I watched Finn get out of the truck. He moved behind the truck and I didn't see him lift my suitcase from his trunk before coming to my door. When my door opened I fell into him. I could feel the tightness as the boy holding me did his best to restrain new tears. I hadn't even realized I was walking up to the group. It was a blur of hugs, kisses, and congratulations. A dizziness settled over me, this was all happening so fast, I hardly took note of anything except the one person who wasn't there, the girl who hadn't been there with well wishes and a hug. It shouldn't have hurt as much, it shouldn't have been such a sobering pain that Santana wasn't there.

"I'll love you," Finn reminded, pulling me back for another kiss before letting me board the train with my fathers.

In our seats I watched out the window as the small crowd waved. It was hard to believe this was happening. My chest was tight with everything from excitement to anxiety and even the dark guilt that reminded me I didn't deserve this. As I looked over the group of friends that had come to define all that had made me truly happy in the last four years I couldn't believe any of it. Soon, the train roared to life beneath us, signaling the end; of this part of my life, of so many relationships, more than I could predict, and the beginning of something new. I watched closely as Finn followed the train, watching the boy meld into the crowd as my eyes blurred again, but they found focus once more. On one of the train station benches, cloaked in the familiar red and white Cheerios jacket, I caught sight of a face I hadn't realized I'd needed to see. As Santana and everybody else slipped out of my vision, I had to wonder if I'd only convinced myself of the sadness I saw tainting her smile.


End file.
